A SPOUSE'S JOURNEY TO SUPPORTING HER IDAHO VETERAN
"The strongest person I know was struggling, and I didn't know what to do," said Michele Bradfield, spouse to an Army veteran.
When service members return from war, it's often assumed they've experienced trauma and need support. But what if they aren't prioritizing this or can't access the help they need?
"Then it's most likely the spouse who will notice first and seek help," explained Michele. "I did." She describes it as watching bubbles overflow from a glass, an image capturing the emotional turmoil that military life can bring. "Our spouses, and even we, are conditioned for years to push our emotions down and lock them up," says Michele. But eventually, those emotions surface, demanding attention."I saw the bubbles coming and asked myself, 'How big of a mess are you willing to clean up, Michele?'"
Instead of letting things escalate, Michele encouraged her spouse to seek counseling after his Army retirement, as they resettled in Boise, Idaho. Reflecting on their journey, Bradfield noted, "Despite witnessing my husband's service journey firsthand, I struggled to comprehend the complexity of his hidden wounds and how best to support him." Many military spouses find themselves in the same place, willing but unsure how to navigate the aftermath of war trauma.
"Helping a loved one suffering from the impact of trauma can be difficult, as one of the most common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is withdrawal," explains Amy Williams, Chief Clinical Officer for The Headstrong Project. "Learning as much as you can about PTSD can help you understand what is happening and not take things personally. While you may encourage your loved one to get help, it is also important to take care of yourself. There are online resources available for family and friends to learn more at ptsd.va.gov and psycharmor.org."
Fortunately, the Bradfields found support at the Boise Vet Center, prompting Michele to seek counseling herself, addressing years of worry and now acclimating to the changes in her husband.
However, accessing mental health services in the Treasure Valley can be challenging, with long waitlists posing a significant barrier. This is where organizations like The Headstrong Project, a trusted nonprofit operating in Idaho and 14 states nationwide, come in. The Headstrong Project (THP) provides rapid assistance and offers 30 free sessions. They understand the profound impact of trauma on service members and their families and provide tailored support through collaborative therapies.
Quoting Dr. Williams, "Through a personalized 1:1 intake process, THP pairs every veteran or service member with a therapist possessing specialized training in trauma and a deep understanding of the distinctive challenges within the military community. This connection is both swift and confidential. Additionally, if couples or family therapy is necessary to address the trauma's impact on loved ones, we seamlessly incorporate them into our care."
Bradfield coupled counseling with a wilderness leadership program that gave her the space and tools to process her experiences. As she prepared physically and mentally for the program's capstone—a 30-mile four-day, three-night hike through the wilderness—she incorporated a daily solitude practice. "Be it a brisk run or a leisurely walk, the trails became my sanctuary—a realm where I could untangle my thoughts, confront my fears, and carve out a path forward," Bradfield said.
As she became physically stronger, coupled with help from her therapist, she found the confidence and courage to keep engaging in difficult conversations with her spouse—ones that have benefited her entire family and her marriage. After completing the hike, she noted that a sense of self emerged from the work she had carefully dedicated herself to for months: "I carried not only physical strength but also a newfound sense of resilience and self-assurance that our marriage would endure."
Michele urges her peers in a similar situation to have the hard conversation: "The one where you encourage your spouse to seek help." As challenging as that first step may seem, a Headstrong Project intake coordinator is ready to assist. With support from a trained clinician and you by their side, your spouse can work towards triumph over trauma. Give them the nudge they may need to connect to a therapist today.